To Work, or not to Work?

To work or not to work, that is the question that plagues me now as I watch Nova sleeping in her car seat, which rocks her back to sleep when she startles.  I feel lucky even to have the choice. As Nova crests the 6-month mark, I am considering whether to get a regular, paid day-job. I would like to get out a little more, have a little more grown-up time, and make some money, but when I run the numbers it just doesn't add up.  

It seems like most of my peers in America are compelled to go back to full time work six weeks after their babies are born, or three months later if they're lucky.  Here in Ireland, most wait until six or seven months, about Nova's age now.  The little ones go into daycare at rates that cancel out ordinary wages, but if you're a well-paid professional you come out a little bit ahead financially and, more importantly, stay up to date in your career of choice.  The babies are generally fine, but a whole load of natural parenting options go out the window, particularly on-demand breastfeeding.  

My years in the working world have been too haphazard to amount to anything that could be called a career.  I've had a string of variously-paid day jobs and minor business ventures which have only lost small amounts of money.  In 2002, I quit my regular day job (which was only half-time, anyway) to devote myself to writing more or less full time.  I've had other day jobs since, but my focus stayed on writing until the chaos of new motherhood, new relationship, and moving countries got me so flustered that writing went pretty much out the window.  The upshot is that I have no career to derail.  Another six months or a year out of paid, resume-worthy employment won't make me significantly less employable.  

Suppose, for the sake of argument, I could find full-time daycare for Nova, and a reasonably paid full-time job.  Half my wages would go to pay for daycare, some of the remainder would go to taxes, we would probably lose the government benefits we get now (mostly the medical card, which buys me piece of mind more than anything else) and there would be all sorts of incidental expenses like more professional clothes for me, and more take-out dinners.  Purely in terms of money, it works out to about 50 € a week, maybe a hundred if things are very efficient.  It's even worse for part-time work, which I would prefer. 

Aside from finances, the other big question is Nova's care.  She's still very small, and although she has a big, friendly personality she can't communicate very well.  She's also primarily nourished by my spicy ol' boob juice, which is what everyone who's anyone (WHO, AAP, etc.) says is best for babies in their first year outside the womb.  I could send her off to daycare with expressed milk, but that's a drag, and not as good as having it fresh.  She's better off being able to nurse on demand.  I think she has a good start already, and I wouldn't worry about her taking a bottle every now and again at this point, I just hate to downgrade her food source in return for so little.  Even trusted family and friends couldn't provide her with that, even if they were available to cover my working hours consistently.

Mind you, I don't want to keep Nova at home for ever, or even until she's ready for school.  I believe she'll be ready for day care long before that, but probably not this year.  I want her to have some more independence and better ability to communicate before I trust her to relative strangers for any length of time.  Here are the things I'd like her to have going for her before I leave her to others' care for more than a few hours a week:

1.  Mostly weaned.
2. Mostly toilet trained.
3. With enough command of spoken language to communicate her basic needs well.

I realize that's a tall order, and far more than any baby less than a year old could accomplish, but I believe Nova will be well on her way, if not already at that point, by this time next year.  Meanwhile, I'll be trying to write and work from home, not expecting huge success financially, but hoping to be able to contribute a little here and there.  

Under other circumstances -- if I had a stellar career and if I weren't breastfeeding or doing EC -- I think I would be fine with sending Nova to day care. Now that I've started with breastfeeding and EC, I am extremely reluctant to shortchange either process.  So I'll wait.  And maybe I'll get something published in the meantime.  

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